The Words I Wish I Had

Sometimes I need words. These are the words I wish I had to write down because it is exactly how Adrienne and I feel right now. His past tense is our present tense. This is a lot, but it is worth reading...because I know we aren't the only ones who need these words:

From Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret:

     "Well...my mind has been greatly exercised for six to eight months past, feeling the need personally and for our Mission of more holiness, life and power in our souls. But personal need stood first and was the greatest. I felt the ingratitude, the danger, the sin of not living nearer to God. I prayed, agonized, fasted, strove, made resolutions, read the Word more diligently, sought more time for meditation- but all without avail. Everyday, almost every hour, the consciousness of sin oppressed me.
     I knew that if only I could abide in Christ all would be well, but I could not. I would be gin the day with prayer, determined not to take my eye off him for a moment, but the pressure of duties, sometimes often very trying, and constant interruptions apt to be so wearying, caused me to forget him...
     Then came the question, is there no rescue? Must it be thus  to the end- constant conflict, and too often defeat? How could I preach with sincerity that, to those who receive Jesus, 'to them he gave the power to become the sons of God' (i.e. Godlike) when it was not so in my experience?...I felt i was a child of God. His Spirit in my heart would cry, in spite of all, 'Abba, Father.' But to rise to my privileges as a child, I was utterly powerless.
     ...There was nothing I so much desired as holiness, nothing I so much needed; but far from in any measure attaining it, the more I strove after it, the more it alluded my grasp, until hope itself almost died out, and I began to think that- perhaps to make heaven the sweeter- God would not give it down here...
     I would not give you the impression that this was the only experience of those long, weary months. It was a too frequent state of soul, and that towards which I was tending, which almost ended in despair. And yet, never did Christ seem more precious; a Saviour who could and would save such a sinner!...And sometimes there were seasons not only of peace but of joy in the Lord; but they were transitory, and at best there was a sad lack of power...
     All the time I felt assured that there was in Christ all I needed, but the practical questions was- how to get it out. He was rich truly, but I was poor; He was strong, but I weak. I knew full well that there was in the root, the stem, abundant fatness, but how to get it into my puny branch was the question. As gradually light dawned, I saw that faith was the only requisite-was the hand to lay hold on His fullness and make it mine. But I had not this faith." [Bolding is my emphasis]

The truth I cling to now:
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20 ESV)