L and A

The last few days have been weighing on me. Between culture shock and trying to live up to some expectations (without success), I have been discouraged. Though we have only been here 4 weeks, I feel like I should be "producing." There have been many times when Adrienne and I (mostly me) had to confess that our identity is not in how we perform, but who we are in Christ. We want to be faithful, even if faithful is not successful in everyone's eyes.

This morning, waking up feeling anxious and trapped, I turned to Psalm 145 and read this:

One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts. On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate. They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds, and I will declare your greatness. They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness and shall sing aloud of your righteousness. (Psalm 145:4-7 ESV)

My discouragement came from the fact that I felt pressure to meet people and share the gospel... pressure to perform and create meetings and not simply trust the Spirit to "put people in our path." I wanted more than just sharing facts about the cross and resurrection of Jesus, but to really connect with people and get to share the heart of the cross and resurrection. 

Adrienne challenged me to praise the Lord. Simply declare his greatness and his awesome deeds. So, today, I put that in to practice.

We also spent time this morning asking the Spirit to put people in our path that we could share his greatness with. I was a little afraid to do it because I didn't think I would have any words...at least words that meant anything. This is how he answered [names are changed to protect them from being associated with us :)]

L-

I was late to a meeting with a new friend and trying to rush out when our next door neighbor  greeted me with arms full of groceries. That's a big deal since she has been standoffish since the first day we met and told her what we are doing here. Hey, she asked so we told her. Her response was, "That's interesting."  Not the "I want to know more" kind of interesting, but the "you are starting a cult" type of interesting. 

Not only did she greet me but she began to ask questions. She asked "when do you start services here" (pointing to our side of the duplex). I got to clearly tell her that we aren't going to have shipments of Kool-Aid delivered and the women won't all start wearing denim skirts. I got to tell her that what is important is that people get to see and trust Jesus. That is what we want. That is why we are here. 

After the obligatory "what do you think about gay people" talk, we go to get to the heart of it: sin, grace, the cross. She kept standing outside with me, groceries in hand, asking questions and discussing the gospel with me. I wanted to do a backflip. I can't, but I wanted to.

I got to experience the grace of God in speaking the truth in love to my neighbor. She got to hear that sin is a big deal, but the grace of God is a bigger deal. It was beautiful.

A-

We just got home from the playground close to our house. My little girl is getting a bath and I am trying to remember what happened 20 minutes ago. Adrienne told me to write this down so that I would remember when discouragement knock at the door of my heart again.

We try to go to the playground every evening. It is almost too close not to go and, also, we always meet someone to talk to. We just don't see the same people twice.

Tonight we started a conversation with a New York transplant who has been here a year. She told us she was here to be with her grandson, A___. After we told here we have been here 4 and a half, no, FIVE weeks now, she asked why we were here. So we told her. She didn't run away. Actually, she started to ask us questions.

Long story short, we got to share with her the greatness of God and his works. We think she is a believer...she knows the right terminology and some of the stories. It was a sweet time of just being able to say- out loud - that Jesus Christ is Lord. (That feels so defiant here sometimes).

Then, she told us more about her grandson and why she is here for him. His dad (her son) abandoned him. The grandson lives with his mom, but his dad took off. "A" is brokenhearted about it. With tears in her eyes she told us the entire story and we grieved with her. She painted a picture of her desire for her grandson to know God and all that she does in order to picture Jesus for him. 

So, we prayed with her. On the playground. We cried out to the Lord together that He would bring her son to his senses and that He would be perfect Father to this 3 year old. We believed together that the Father is still in the business of working miracles. We all had an underlying joy in our little bit of faith that the Father's love and power is greater than our faith.

She has our contact information and she says she wanted to meet with us when we start meeting together as the church during the summer. One way or another, the Spirit met with us by the swings tonight.

Tomorrow is another day, but today we are overwhelmed in knowing that the Lord still wants to show his greatness. he wants to show himself so that we will meditate on him and overflow with praise to people whose hearts long for it. All of us long to know him that way. Most of the world turns their backs, but they still long to know an unimaginable greatness that swallows up our weak desires and gives us bigger hearts.

I am so grateful that today we got to express his greatness. I long for more.