Don't Let Me Tell You I Have It All Together

...In anyway, by words or by silence. There has never been a time in my life I have felt as weak. Never been a time I have felt more out of control. Never.

And I have a really hard time being out of control.

Never felt as open to weakness. Never felt as selfish and angry. 

Never felt as frustrated because I can't say the right words. My words feel like they fail whether it is praying or sharing good news or simply loving my family.

Never have I seen how much we need the Father to bring his kingdom and never have I felt as powerless to be a part of it.

I don't want weakness! 
I don't want to feel out of control! 
I don't want to wonder if I am being faithful. I want success, safety, growth...

Father, have you called us to failure? 

I asked the Father to show me how the gospel matters to me...to write the gospel on my heart. He did that for Paul why wouldn't he do that for those who ask him?

Never felt the hunger to know the gospel more...how the good news to the world becomes good news to
me. From one point of view the cross was a failure.

I don't want to tell anyone I have it all together. Not at all. I just want to live a grace full life.