Always Bigger

My imagination must have a leak and I don't think I am the only one who has that problem.

Our neighborhood is draped over two of the highest hills in the city which means that, on a clear day, I can see a LONG way into the distance. Most importantly, looking southeast, Mt. Rainier is in our direct line of sight. Always drawing our attention, we can overlook the Seattle skyline and the expanse of the Puget Sound for the mammoth mountain that seems to quietly hover on the horizon, acting like a giant overseer of the city.

Because my imagination leaks, as soon as I close my eyes or turn my back, I forget just how big it is. The next time I turn around to look, it is bigger than I remembered.

Out walking with Adrienne one night last week, we came over a ridge and got a clear view of The Mountain as the oranges and pinks of the setting sun reflected off of it. Amazing. Even from around 100 miles away we were amazed at its immensity and the detail we could make out in that light. One of the two of us said to the other (my memory leaks so I don't remember who said what), "That never gets old." We both marveled, not just at the fact that gazing upon that expression of God's beauty never gets old, but that we have an insatiable hunger for it.

My imagination leaks, but we were made to hold it all in. We were made to soak in the memory of every detail of the glory of God he reveals to us. For me, all I have to do is turn my back for a moment and I will forget what I just saw, but there will be a day when my leak is healed and I will grow bigger in treasuring the glory of God. The more I will see of Him, the "bigger" I will get. The bigger I get, the more I will be able to hold in.

But, ultimately, this picture isn't about how much bigger I will get. 

The joy that we had in being reminded how big Rainier is is the joy of remembering again. When we see Jesus face to face, there will be a deep, resonant joy in knowing him in a new way every time we look on him. In his presence our imaginations won't leak The bigger the picture of his glory we hold in, the more capable we will be to hold in more.

We will get to see Jesus for everything he is and realize he is always bigger than we thought he was. The joy of heaven will be to gaze upon his beauty and, not only never grow bored, but always grow more hungry to know him...always know there is a depth of himself that he will gladly share with us for our joy. We will drink deeply of his glory and find that we are not only satisfied, but that every drink is as pleasurable as the first- or more so.

Our God will always be bigger to us. We will always be surprised. We will always want to go, as C.S. Lewis put it, "Further up and further in." 

God help us to see you like that now...and not leak!

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16:11 ESV)

Culture Shock: I Have to Laugh Because I Can't Cry Today

I Get It

This afternoon we will get to talk to some friends who have moved their life to a different country, a different lifestyle and a different language. They are just a little bit crazy, but I love that about them.  Their adjustment has been hard and we haven't talked to them as much as I wish we could have. Even through their emails, we can hear the alienation they feel being a minority after being in the majority all of their lives.

Culture shock is not medical diagnosis, but it is a real experience. I know, because our family is feeling it...and we didn't have to cross national borders. (Frankly, I feel guilty even admitting it because I still have access to a Chipotle and Dr. Pepper.)

I did some research on the sometimes unnoticed effects of crossing cultures and found some common responses:

• Feelings of anger over minor inconveniences
• Extreme homesickness
• Withdrawal from people who are different from you
• A new and intense feeling of loyalty to your own culture
• An increase or loss of appetite
• Sleep difficulties (both too much and not enough)
• Headaches
• Feeling sick much of the time
• Loss of ability to work effectively; difficulty concentrating
• Unexplainable fits of crying 
• Marital stress
• Exaggerated cleanliness and an excessive desire to control surroundings
• Depression

I think this scientific graph tells it all:

[Seriously, here is a really good article if you are interested in reading more: http://www.worldwide.edu/travel_planner/culture_shock.html ]

Everyday, I am making an effort to be where the people of my neighborhood are working, playing, and being together. In the conversations we have had and the eavesdropping cultural exploration I do, we have noticed something: we are not in Texas anymore. We have a Seattle address, but "y'all" comes out more than I expect and my desire for my own space is constantly squelched by how everything seems pushed together...too close. People are everywhere!

Actual Picture from Our Street

Being in Seattle is not just obedience, but it is a joyful desire. That doesn't mean that I don't say "what in the world are we doing" 2-3 times a day. That doesn't mean that we are comfortable. We have a deep sense of a thirsty homesickness that wouldn't be quenched by going back to Texas.

I have felt this culture shock for over two years. It wasn't until we started waking up to the sights and sounds that Seattlities wake up to that I realized that we have been becoming Seattleites for a long time. Looking back, I am grateful for the Spirit leading us that way. If he hadn't, my wife wouldn't be able to stand me right now.

Then, there is an even more profound "culture shock" that every believer lives everyday. Those who are Jesus' are not the majority culture. We never have been. We most likely never will be. We have a different "heart language." We have different cultural values. Even though we may, at times, love money or love the "broad way" (Matt 7:13) our identity is transformed. We have been transformed to be aliens and strangers in a world bent away from God and we have been made delight in this kingdom that the Father is bringing.

The tension comes from the truth that we have a place to live, but it isn't our heart's true home.

Until we are home, we will never be at ease. If our hearts have been made alive to long for our real home, doesn't it follow that we will live with culture shock until the day Jesus comes again and takes us to himself?

Read that list of effects of culture shock above again.

To wrap this up, three quotes come to mind that help me with both the shock of being a stranger in Seattle and being an alien in this world:

1. "And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also." (John 14: 3) [Jesus wants us to dwell with him...he is working at it right now!]

2. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father or mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we are comforted by God. " (2 Cor. 1:3-4)

3. "Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water…If I find in myself a desire, which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis

Unwelcome, but Invited

In our training a few weeks ago, one of the presented said something profound that I had never thought of...but I wish I had: "Church planting is spiritual warfare."

Oh. Yeah. He is absolutely right.

The first night of our trip to Seattle in October of last year we had a profound sense of "You are not welcome here" as we walked around downtown. Crazy feelings like "the people of this city will never take you seriously" and "you are not good enough for us" were almost crippling.

The funny thing was that every person we had encountered was very gracious to us. There was something else.

In C.S. Lewis's masterful satire, The Screwtape Letters, the author comically writes in a demon's voice calling God Almighty "the Enemy." The entire set of letters from an experienced demon to his novice nephew describes God as the Enemy of everything darkness and deceitful. In the same way, the more we do not follow the prince of the power of the air (see Eph. 2:1-3), the more we are a threat  to the culture he works to create.

Just because we are in Christ, we are a threat. Not just because Lewis said so, but because Jesus did:

“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. (John 15:18-19 ESV)

Before I write about how "the world" will hate us the more we are like Jesus, I want to remember that there are maleficent powers behind that hate. We are unwelcome. We are always unwelcome to darkness.

We are unwelcome, but we are not uninvited.

We are invited into a life where things will not be "safe," but in which we will know that even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we don't have to fear any evil.

We are invited to a life where we may be intimidated, but never alone.

I long for the day where my heart isn't weighed down in believing the lies of the real enemy, but until that day comes I will hold to this precious truth:

"My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26)