Heart Swagger's Hope

He had a "humble" swagger about him as he moved from important gathering to important gathering.

An up-and-comer if anyone ever was, he caught the attention of the other leaders. He was the type of man that other men wanted to follow since he seemed to have it all together. They wanted to hitch their wagon to his, and may have even fought and pushed each other over the chance to be a part of his tribe.

The best school bragged that the diploma in his office had its name scripted on it. The best professors announced with pride that he was their student. His single-minded focus and devotion was intimidating to many; unimitatable by all. (Is that a word?)

One could trace his family back to the beginnings of their nation. There was a long history of notable men and women who were in his bloodline and as the family gathered together on holy days they reminded each other at how fortunate they were to be part of their family- and not another.

As he passed people on the streets, they recognized him, but most did not approach him. They knew he was special, gifted, set apart...different from them. "Chosen" maybe. It was not his greatness alone that they hid from as much as they hid their own "ungreatness."

The swagger was "humble," but it was still "swagger." Everything on the outside of the man was everything that people respected. And more than anyone who passed him or knew him, he honored himself. He revered himself more than any other person revered him. No praise of any other man could compare with how he praised himself.

And that is the type of praise that slowly destroys a man from the inside out.

Sadly, most could not see the character cancer that was transforming him into the type of monster that the world would love to revere.

All except Jesus. He could see through the educational prowess, the perceived success, the almost universal respect. He could see the deep death growing within the man...death that was beginning to spill out to the people who Jesus called his own.

But Jesus didn't treat Paul the way Paul was treating him. Jesus didn't see Paul's heart swagger as a wall that He could not breech. On the contrary, Jesus saw the deadness and arrogance of Paul and wanted to show Paul that He what matters most is not Paul's own ability to out perform and to over produce, but Jesus ability to make swaggering monsters into humble givers.

I have realized that you don't have to be a high performer to be a swaggering monster. The swaggering heart is something we all carry and just needs to be turned on by "worldy" success or even the sulking pride of "unsuccess." One way or another, we all swagger. Some people just do it with more pizazz.

Jesus reoriented the world of a man who "owned" the world to tell us swaggerers that there is hope. Here is hope for hard-hearted Pharisees. Jesus doesn't just pursue the monetarily poor and the needy, but those who have everything they need but are poor and needy swagger monsters.

There is hope for a man like me who thinks way more highly and lowly of himself than he should. Grace came to the most unlikely of receivers in Paul to prove to the world that there is no heart too far gone, too proud, or too swaggering.

For Your Name's Sake

Father,

Until now I believe we have asked you only to do those things that we can handle in our own.

I am afraid to be overwhelmed in thinking that I have to carry the burden of all that you might do in your love.

Please give us a vision of what you want to do that is so great that it is too much for us! But also, please give us the grace to be able to trust you with the moment by moment of it. For your name's sake.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:6-7 ESV)

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21 ESV)

Prayer for Tears

Father, I simply ask that you will give us your heart for the lost.

Please give us your tears. Please give us your feelings over sin.

Please display your unquenchable grace. Please write your word on the hearts of those who reject you.

Please give us heaven's joy over the returning of one lost son. 

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.
(Psalm 126:5-6 ESV)

Promise to fight with

From Jason T.:

Psalm 116:5-7

“Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; 

our God is merciful.

The LORD preserves the simple;

when I was brought low, he saved me.

Return, O My Soul, to your rest;

for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you."

636 and some change

That is how many miles we traveled to get to Albuquerque, New Mexico. The first few miles were the hardest by far.

Leaving the Mission House early Thursday morning was much harder than we expected. None of us were really ready to go. Each of us was tired from a too-late evening before and morning anxiety over the unknown future. Our things wouldn't all fit in the van like we planned and they seemed to multiply as I put them in.

The hardest part is what driving away represented: a page turned and a chapter closed. As we leave there is a feeling of being left behind.

But we had to drive away. We passed places that remind us of special times and even more special friends.

Within these miles were our daughter's only house so far. Within these miles were places where we had some of the most significant heart to heart conversations of our lives. Most of all, within these miles were places where we met with our God and heard his voice.

But we had to drive away. We had to leave. We had to drive forward toward towards the grace our Father has promised us in the future.

Jesus has already traveled this road. He had to leave home. There is something about hearing the Father's heart that is compelling...and leads us to faith-fully feel out of control.

We traveled 636 miles and some change in what one author calls "Future Grace." We believe that the One who calls, also compels, and also comes through.

 Though the grief of leaving stirs up old, long forgotten doubt, the faith of going opens up new territory in knowing the Father's faithfulness.

The next miles are a road we have never traveled before, but we travel with Immanuel. So many that we treasure are still around mile one, but the One who dwells with us is big enough to be with them and with us.

"By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God." (Hebrews 11:8-10 ESV)

Desert Springs in a Dry Soul

There is a different beauty to the Albuquerque desert that is hard to describe. The last two days I have   often stopped what I am doing to soak in the majesty of the mountains in the East and stare over the rolling desert to the West. The harsh landscape seems to quietly beckon us to pay attention to it and to see through it to pictures of Beauty that the lush areas of the world do not paint for us. There is just something about this desert that is attracting...even if it attracts us to the barren reality of being dry.

More often than not, I wake up "dry." This dryness does not come from a sense of missing the Father's presence, but the reality of where we are headed. There is a starkness to the reality that what we are going to do- the things that mean the most to us- we cannot do. I cannot work hard enough, pray enough, say the right words enough, be holy enough, be strategic enough, be wise enough to do what needs to be done.

This is too big for me and I do not (in and of myself) have anything to give that will transform people's hearts.

Drinking in the reality of that is scary to me. When it comes to these things I feel dryer than the desert I am visiting for a couple of days. Empty.

We have often said that we want to live a life that doesn't make sense unless Jesus is alive...and available.

That is why these words were like a cold drink of water to my soul this morning:

"When the poor and needy seek water,
and there is none,
and their tongue is parched with thirst,
I the LORD will answer them;
I the God of Israel will not forsake them.
I will open rivers on bare heights;
and fountains in the midst of the valleys.
I will make the wilderness a pool of water,
and the dry land springs of water.
I will put in the wilderness a cedar, the acacia, the myrtle, and the olive.
I will set in the desert the cypress, the plane and the pine together,
that they may see and know,
may consider and understand together,
that the hand of the LORD has done this,
the Holy One of Israel has created it."
(Isaiah 41:17-20)

The heights of the Sandia mountains are bare because the snow is gone. There won't be a river flowing from the mountains until the next snow melt. The desert around us does not erupt with fountains of water. It soaks in any water it can find and holds it, greedily, to itself. It does not share.

That's the point. If people's thirst will be quenched it won't be from the barrenness of our own wills or dutiful action...it will be an eruption of a river of God's grace from the overflow of his will and his work. If what I believe is God's vision for our lives will happen it will be because he made water flow where we least expected it and we all respond by drinking deeply of his lavish grace.

Most of all, when we drink deeply we will all know together that "the hand of the LORD has done this." We will all soak in the truth that what matters most in the world comes from our Father in heaven and worship and rest will erupt from our souls.

Father, we want to see the depth of how much we need you, how poor we are. I am scared of that, though because I will feel that it all depends on you. What if you don't come through? What if your grace seems meager to us? You have never failed us and you have never give "just enough." You are a lavish giver. Oh, Father, please open our eyes today to see your lavish grace to us and the people around us...so that we will drink deeply from the river of your delights and be satisfied in you. In Jesus' name.