[Insert Grinning Emoticon Here]

(Originally written April 28, 2015)

We are about 1400 miles into our trip, but it doesn't seem that way. So far things have been very smooth except for some tantrums we have had to endure. Many of the tantrums are adult tantrums, to be honest, brought on by the fact that we don't read each other's minds as well as we think we do.

Today has been the strangest day by far. I should have known things would be "off" for us when in the first one and a half miles into Provo, Utah we saw 9 or 10 Latter-Day Saints gathering buildings. I am not exaggerating, but I wish I was. Those buildings outnumbered any type of church building 10 to 1. Amazing.

We decided to go to the LDS main temple complex in downtown Salt Lake City just to explore for a few minutes. We saw what we expected, smiling faces and locked rooms. The best way to describe what I felt being there was like is being smiled at with a deceitful smile, like a spider welcoming an unsuspecting fly nearer and nearer to its silky home.

The main area we explored was a Visitor's Center which is architecturally designed to lead a person deeper and deeper into the LDS view of the world. The main floor displayed the Hall of Fame stories of the Bible all pointing to Jesus. Good so far. Like the Guggenheim in New York, there is a ramp that winds upward around the building to a large, stark white statue of what I would call "Cosmic Jesus." I cannot describe it any other way than that because, frankly, it kind of creeped me out. He was too sterile...unmarred by any touch of our sin. 

Finally, we traveled to the depths of the building which held the exhibits that show Mormonism's distinctiveness: Joseph Smith, the Living Prophet, eternal families, and a strong emphasis on work and "works." It was as if this part was hidden away like Sloth from the Goonies: family, but not family you take to dinner parties. If a person went that deep in the building (and therefore, into their theology) then that person is probably sympathetic to their beliefs...or lost.

I couldn't make eye contact with the missionaries walking around the building, because they over smiled and I felt like I had to over smile back.  It was the smile of men and women who are told that their smile will gain them eternal rewards and favor with their (literal) Father in heaven. 

(To be fair, they were very kind to us and were good ambassadors of their belief system.)

As we are driving out of Utah and to Idaho, Adrienne and I have been reflecting on what we saw since we left and do not know what to make of it. On one hand, the more a person is taken into depths of the Gospel of Jesus as found in the Bible (alone), the more that person will find the One they saw on the "main floor." If the good news of Jesus death and resurrection leads us into new life, "going deeper" only deepens our understanding of and affection for Him.

On the other hand, when a person digs down deep into the heart behind the teachings that the LDS church proclaims, what that person will find is not a gracious smile that says "You are home," but a spidery grin that says "You are caught." 

[Father, please give us the compassion of Jesus for our deceived friends. Please also lead us out of the lies we are comfortable in believing.]

"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8)

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12)

On to Idaho... 

Father,
I simply need to confess to you that I love money. It seems to define so much that I think about over the last few months. It is my master at times.

You have shown me that we can depend on your love for us. That is what I  ask for today. I would rather know you as a giving Father than have access to the treasures that lure me.

Is knowing you enough? Your word says it is. Your word says you are enough, but my longing for riches this morning tells me I'm not believing it today.

Spirit, will you gently lead my affections away from loving money and deeper into trusting you? So I will find my joy in you.

For Jesus' name's sake.

My Moment of Pagan Worship

We spent the afternoon outside of Moab, Utah at Arches National Park. The short story is that there is way too much to see in the park and around Moab for one afternoon. ​Way. Too. Much. I kept telling my wife how much I wish I was bigger to be able to understand all of the beauty we got to see. God forbid that we ever get bored with the glory reflected in creation!

I wonder if we will have the "bigness" to understand God's beauty in things like Arches National Park in the new heavens and the new earth. 

There was something else that rose up in me too: covetousness. I don't like that word because I'm not exactly sure what it fully means or how to say it. (covet-chus-ness?)

On the trail to the "Delicate Arch" in the Park, I was overwhelmed with a desire to have the means to buy stuff to play like this all of the time. We hiked along the same path with people who bought expensive stuff to go exploring with their family. I longed for that too. I longed for it too much. I longed for lesser things (like a high end hiking backpack to carry my daughter) in a weak moment.

At that moment, I tasted how easy it would be for me to treasure the things of the world at the expense of the Creator of those things. Being outside, playing in God's world seems to breathe new life into me, but it can also be the path to pagan idolatry. Subtly exchanging the treasure of the Beauty of Christ in his creation for a (falsely) beautiful Lesser thing. (See Romans 1:24-25 for more on that)

So, for a few moments I was a pagan today. Or at least I felt like one. 

I often try to force out this type of sinfulness by doubling up my resolve against it. That doesn't work. It never has, but I will foolishly keep trying, I'm sure.

What does "work" is something only the Spirit can do: give us a deeper, broader love for something (ahem, "someone") more beautiful. I long for the day when we get to play on earth as we were meant to, but with no desire to worship creation.  Those will be days when we will be "big" enough to see and grasp the Source of all Beauty as he plays alongside us in his Creation.

There, by the Delicate Arch and thousands of other breathtaking places, we will love him for the beauty he created and for the scars that remind us of the beauty of his heart.

"Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither." C.S. Lewis

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth." (Colossians 3:1-2 ESV)

Unwelcome, but Invited

In our training a few weeks ago, one of the presented said something profound that I had never thought of...but I wish I had: "Church planting is spiritual warfare."

Oh. Yeah. He is absolutely right.

The first night of our trip to Seattle in October of last year we had a profound sense of "You are not welcome here" as we walked around downtown. Crazy feelings like "the people of this city will never take you seriously" and "you are not good enough for us" were almost crippling.

The funny thing was that every person we had encountered was very gracious to us. There was something else.

In C.S. Lewis's masterful satire, The Screwtape Letters, the author comically writes in a demon's voice calling God Almighty "the Enemy." The entire set of letters from an experienced demon to his novice nephew describes God as the Enemy of everything darkness and deceitful. In the same way, the more we do not follow the prince of the power of the air (see Eph. 2:1-3), the more we are a threat  to the culture he works to create.

Just because we are in Christ, we are a threat. Not just because Lewis said so, but because Jesus did:

“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. (John 15:18-19 ESV)

Before I write about how "the world" will hate us the more we are like Jesus, I want to remember that there are maleficent powers behind that hate. We are unwelcome. We are always unwelcome to darkness.

We are unwelcome, but we are not uninvited.

We are invited into a life where things will not be "safe," but in which we will know that even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we don't have to fear any evil.

We are invited to a life where we may be intimidated, but never alone.

I long for the day where my heart isn't weighed down in believing the lies of the real enemy, but until that day comes I will hold to this precious truth:

"My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26)

636 and some change

That is how many miles we traveled to get to Albuquerque, New Mexico. The first few miles were the hardest by far.

Leaving the Mission House early Thursday morning was much harder than we expected. None of us were really ready to go. Each of us was tired from a too-late evening before and morning anxiety over the unknown future. Our things wouldn't all fit in the van like we planned and they seemed to multiply as I put them in.

The hardest part is what driving away represented: a page turned and a chapter closed. As we leave there is a feeling of being left behind.

But we had to drive away. We passed places that remind us of special times and even more special friends.

Within these miles were our daughter's only house so far. Within these miles were places where we had some of the most significant heart to heart conversations of our lives. Most of all, within these miles were places where we met with our God and heard his voice.

But we had to drive away. We had to leave. We had to drive forward toward towards the grace our Father has promised us in the future.

Jesus has already traveled this road. He had to leave home. There is something about hearing the Father's heart that is compelling...and leads us to faith-fully feel out of control.

We traveled 636 miles and some change in what one author calls "Future Grace." We believe that the One who calls, also compels, and also comes through.

 Though the grief of leaving stirs up old, long forgotten doubt, the faith of going opens up new territory in knowing the Father's faithfulness.

The next miles are a road we have never traveled before, but we travel with Immanuel. So many that we treasure are still around mile one, but the One who dwells with us is big enough to be with them and with us.

"By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God." (Hebrews 11:8-10 ESV)

Desert Springs in a Dry Soul

There is a different beauty to the Albuquerque desert that is hard to describe. The last two days I have   often stopped what I am doing to soak in the majesty of the mountains in the East and stare over the rolling desert to the West. The harsh landscape seems to quietly beckon us to pay attention to it and to see through it to pictures of Beauty that the lush areas of the world do not paint for us. There is just something about this desert that is attracting...even if it attracts us to the barren reality of being dry.

More often than not, I wake up "dry." This dryness does not come from a sense of missing the Father's presence, but the reality of where we are headed. There is a starkness to the reality that what we are going to do- the things that mean the most to us- we cannot do. I cannot work hard enough, pray enough, say the right words enough, be holy enough, be strategic enough, be wise enough to do what needs to be done.

This is too big for me and I do not (in and of myself) have anything to give that will transform people's hearts.

Drinking in the reality of that is scary to me. When it comes to these things I feel dryer than the desert I am visiting for a couple of days. Empty.

We have often said that we want to live a life that doesn't make sense unless Jesus is alive...and available.

That is why these words were like a cold drink of water to my soul this morning:

"When the poor and needy seek water,
and there is none,
and their tongue is parched with thirst,
I the LORD will answer them;
I the God of Israel will not forsake them.
I will open rivers on bare heights;
and fountains in the midst of the valleys.
I will make the wilderness a pool of water,
and the dry land springs of water.
I will put in the wilderness a cedar, the acacia, the myrtle, and the olive.
I will set in the desert the cypress, the plane and the pine together,
that they may see and know,
may consider and understand together,
that the hand of the LORD has done this,
the Holy One of Israel has created it."
(Isaiah 41:17-20)

The heights of the Sandia mountains are bare because the snow is gone. There won't be a river flowing from the mountains until the next snow melt. The desert around us does not erupt with fountains of water. It soaks in any water it can find and holds it, greedily, to itself. It does not share.

That's the point. If people's thirst will be quenched it won't be from the barrenness of our own wills or dutiful action...it will be an eruption of a river of God's grace from the overflow of his will and his work. If what I believe is God's vision for our lives will happen it will be because he made water flow where we least expected it and we all respond by drinking deeply of his lavish grace.

Most of all, when we drink deeply we will all know together that "the hand of the LORD has done this." We will all soak in the truth that what matters most in the world comes from our Father in heaven and worship and rest will erupt from our souls.

Father, we want to see the depth of how much we need you, how poor we are. I am scared of that, though because I will feel that it all depends on you. What if you don't come through? What if your grace seems meager to us? You have never failed us and you have never give "just enough." You are a lavish giver. Oh, Father, please open our eyes today to see your lavish grace to us and the people around us...so that we will drink deeply from the river of your delights and be satisfied in you. In Jesus' name.