Heart Swagger's Hope

He had a "humble" swagger about him as he moved from important gathering to important gathering.

An up-and-comer if anyone ever was, he caught the attention of the other leaders. He was the type of man that other men wanted to follow since he seemed to have it all together. They wanted to hitch their wagon to his, and may have even fought and pushed each other over the chance to be a part of his tribe.

The best school bragged that the diploma in his office had its name scripted on it. The best professors announced with pride that he was their student. His single-minded focus and devotion was intimidating to many; unimitatable by all. (Is that a word?)

One could trace his family back to the beginnings of their nation. There was a long history of notable men and women who were in his bloodline and as the family gathered together on holy days they reminded each other at how fortunate they were to be part of their family- and not another.

As he passed people on the streets, they recognized him, but most did not approach him. They knew he was special, gifted, set apart...different from them. "Chosen" maybe. It was not his greatness alone that they hid from as much as they hid their own "ungreatness."

The swagger was "humble," but it was still "swagger." Everything on the outside of the man was everything that people respected. And more than anyone who passed him or knew him, he honored himself. He revered himself more than any other person revered him. No praise of any other man could compare with how he praised himself.

And that is the type of praise that slowly destroys a man from the inside out.

Sadly, most could not see the character cancer that was transforming him into the type of monster that the world would love to revere.

All except Jesus. He could see through the educational prowess, the perceived success, the almost universal respect. He could see the deep death growing within the man...death that was beginning to spill out to the people who Jesus called his own.

But Jesus didn't treat Paul the way Paul was treating him. Jesus didn't see Paul's heart swagger as a wall that He could not breech. On the contrary, Jesus saw the deadness and arrogance of Paul and wanted to show Paul that He what matters most is not Paul's own ability to out perform and to over produce, but Jesus ability to make swaggering monsters into humble givers.

I have realized that you don't have to be a high performer to be a swaggering monster. The swaggering heart is something we all carry and just needs to be turned on by "worldy" success or even the sulking pride of "unsuccess." One way or another, we all swagger. Some people just do it with more pizazz.

Jesus reoriented the world of a man who "owned" the world to tell us swaggerers that there is hope. Here is hope for hard-hearted Pharisees. Jesus doesn't just pursue the monetarily poor and the needy, but those who have everything they need but are poor and needy swagger monsters.

There is hope for a man like me who thinks way more highly and lowly of himself than he should. Grace came to the most unlikely of receivers in Paul to prove to the world that there is no heart too far gone, too proud, or too swaggering.

Our Father Runs

I have been asking questions a lot lately about how I envision our God. The question isn't "Who is God?" but "How do I see God?" Who he really is is much more important, but how I see him effects everything I think and do.

That brings to mind what the late pastor A.W. Tozer said in "The Knowledge of the Holy.": "What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us."

I often think that our God is distant, impatient and he doesn't show affection. There are a lot of reasons for that. I know better, but I do not always feel the truth.

So, I read something again yesterday that I simply need to type and slowly soak in.

Writing about Jesus parable we normally call the Prodigal Son, Tim Keller says this in his book The Prodigal God:

"How can the inner dynamic of the heart be changed from one of fear and anger to one of joy, love and gratitude? 

The first thing we need to know is God's initiating love.Notice how the Father comes out to each so and expresses love to him, in order to bring him in. He does not wait for his younger son on the porch of his home, impatiently tapping his foot, murmuring, 'Here comes that son of mine. After all that he's done, there had better be some real groveling!' There is not a hint of such attitude. No, he runs and kisses him before his son can confess. It's not the repentance that causes the father's love, but rather the reverse. The father's lavish affection makes the son's expression of remorse far easier." [The emphasis is mine]

What if I believed my Father in heaven ran to me? How would I act if I knew at the core of my being that he pursues me? What would my view of the world be if my heart caught up with the truth that real love comes, not from my love of God, but that he loved me first? His idea. His initiation.

How would I love others?

I think I would have the strength to run just like he does.

I have to apologize for this, but it is too funny not to share.

Gwen's Questions are a Sign of the Kingdom

The Hi Life. No Legal or Illegal Drugs Were Consumed. Just Good Food

We got to sit down to eat with some sweet friends from Arlington who came all of the way to Seattle to see us. Maybe not just to see us (there was a cruise ship waiting to whisk them away to Alaska), but it was sweet nonetheless.

Gwen looked at the owl covered lunch bag Adrienne brought for our little picky eater and asked where we got it.

"We got it second hand. Someone gave it to us"

I was surprised at how interested our server was at my little girl's food carrier, but she went on to explain. She explained that she looks for fun things like pink owl lunch bags on a site where people in Ballard (her neighborhood in Seattle) give away things for free. Its like an ongoing, online swap meet. She said she likes to give things away, too, because it helps her "relinquish."

Most people don't talk about "relinquishing." When they do, there always seems to be an interesting story behind it. So, we started talking to her about why she wants to "relinquish."

I will spare you most of the conversation, but, to sum up, Gwen shared how she is a "spiritual" lady who does not want to be cluttered with stuff. As someone who just moved, I get "cluttered," for sure.

Thankfully, the restaurant wasn't crazy busy, so she could spend some time with us and talk about "relinquishment" and "community." She said her spirituality didn't need any religion, but she loved that she lived surrounded by people that would help her along her path, even in the little things of taking the things that she wanted to give away.

I briefly shared with her that I could appreciate so much of what she was saying because we came to the city, in part, to live in community similar to what she was describing, but centered on Jesus. She was very kind in her responses, but it was clear that she didn't want to hear much more than that...or so I thought.

We said "thank you" to Gwen and we were waving good-bye when she ran up to us at the door to talk one more time.

"Please, tell me a little more about why you are here and what your church is about."

That stunned me. Most people run from that conversation. She longed to hear more.

So, we got to share with her that we long for heart connections with people too and that we want people to walk alongside us as we "relinquish" the things that hold us back. The difference though, is that the only way to thew community our hearts long for is first to be transformed to center our lives on Jesus. We got to share that real relinquishment comes when we allow God to transform us.

I wish the conversation was as neat and tidy as I am portraying it to be here, but I am trying to describe what I saw in the face and heard in the words of Gwen that night: I saw the Spirit of God speaking to the heart of our server in a way that completely surprised me. He was whispering to her in a way I could never describe, but it was an obvious sign of the kingdom for me.

We left the conversation that way after giving her our contact information. Pray with us that she will connect with other believers. Hopefully it will be us.

How Many Owls Can You See in This Picture?

God uses donkeys, stutterers like Moses, fearful people like me, and a little girl's owl lunch bag to show that he still seeks to save the wanderers...and to reach out to a precious woman named Gwen in Ballard.

Temporary Housing

"For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you want, you can do good for them. But you will not always have me...And truly, I say to you, wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her.” (Mark 14:7-9 ESV)

I just got home from a tense community meeting regarding a proposed temporary housing encampment for homeless persons. The city of Seattle welcomed the neighborhoods surrounding the proposed site to come hear about the plan and to express their (our) opinions.

There was a lot of "not in my backyard" talk and some subtle accusations that if a person didn't support the camp then that person is letting people die.

Just to be clear, no one communicated (out loud, anyway) that they wanted people who did not have shelter to die. Except for a few unreasonable people who voiced their opinion and then did a "mic drop" and left the building, most people had meaningful things to say that most people would agree with.

Many neighbors shared about how we should follow "the golden rule" and we should "be kind" also giving practical steps to help people in unfortunate situations. Yes, we could all be there soon. Yes, we should look at another person in an affectionate love that acts to help.

But, I felt something was missing. Something deeper. We want to really love and really help people. That may mean we focus our attention away from the immediate need (as important as it is) and take a risk that the only way to solve the problem is to see the real problem.

When the woman "wasted" the perfume on Jesus, the man carrying the money got self righteously indignant and made the point that that expensive ointment could have been sold and given to the poor. Of course, that was right. It could have helped some poor, but it would not destroy the root of poverty. Jesus said something that would have been shocking at this meeting tonight: he essentially said that treasuring him is more important than giving to the poor.

I could not have articulated that in the time allowed each speaker to speak tonight because it sounds (at first) so unloving.

But, what if it is more loving than our plans? What if it is more practical than our programs to really, deeply and finally help the poor?

What if the real issue of homelessness is not a monetary issue but a heart issue? What if the root cause of poverty is not (merely) lack of resources or an abundance of systemic oppression?

What if the root cause of poverty (and therefore homelessness) is the poverty in our hearts because of our sin? The systems that oppress are created by people in power who use that power for selfish gain. There are thousands of individuals who have made self absorbed choices and have ended up losing their livelihood. There are many who have had their livelihood stolen from them because another person was treasuring their own life over loving their neighbor as their self. Sin complicates everything and it is never quite as simple as we would be comfortable with.

One way or another, poverty is born from a sinful heart and only if those hearts are transformed by the love of Christ will poverty really go away. Only then will we be able to see the end of homelessness.

What Jesus was saying wasn't "I don't want you to give to the poor," but only when we have a heart that treasures him will we ever really, deeply and truly have the heart for the poor. A disciple of Jesus has that kind of heart and the only way we will ever have that heart is if we are transformed by the good news that Jesus died for the sin that gives birth to poverty.

I want to have the same heart for the poor that Jesus does. That scares me because it will cost me in ways that seem too much now, but if I had his heart it would be a joy. I want to look at my poor neighbors and see not just a man who is down on his luck and needs food and shelter (as important as that is), but a man who is precious beyond my imagining and needing much more than a temporary home.

He needs shelter, but he also needs good news. He needs to see that Jesus is a treasure. He needs to see that God's kingdom comes with every new life transformed to treasure him and to repent of systematic oppression.

He needs his heart's true home. He needs an eternal home with Jesus.

Affectionate Evangelism

So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.
(1 Thessalonians 2:8 ESV)

This is very true:

"Matt rang to ask what he should do. His friend George had asked him to go street preaching. Matt wasn't interested but didn't know how to respond. So the three of us got together. As the conversation began, it was clear that George thought we were selling out in some way. But as we talked about sharing our lives with unbelievers, about evangelism that was 24/7, about opening our homes, George's tone changed. At the end of our conversation he admitted, 'I'm not sure if I'm up for that kind of commitment.'" (Total Church, 57)

Not Good for Man(kind) to Be Alone

Even introverts need people. I smiled so much on Saturday my face got tired.

Last Saturday morning was the Magnolia Summerfest parade. This parade was our first so I didn't really know what to expect from the entire event. I decided to volunteer in order to get to know people by working alongside them. I thought that "trash picker upper" sounded like an easy job.

I was voluntold that I would be, not "trash picker upper" or "horse cleaner after," but Parade Staging Manager. The word is that everyone loves a parade, except for the Staging Manager. (I think I skipped class the day that we talked about helping organize a parade in seminary. That's another story.)

What a clown!

There were great crowds of people lining the streets. Of all of the time we have spent going to community events, nothing no nothing compared to this. People stopped all of the important things in their lives to come out and see clowns on oversized tricycles and grown men dressed as pirates. (Not that there is anything wrong with that :) Candy was thrown to the kids in abundance and parents all got to take a break from trying to be their children's entertainers for an hour.

Thankfully, no children were Shanghaied...this year.

About the time that the large marching band went through and I finally started to figure out what I was doing, I saw something in the crowds that encouraged me: people didn't just come for the clowns and the pirates, they came to be together. The parade entries were a good excuse.

In a neighborhood where so many people are "alone together," busy being social but oftentimes disconnected from heart-friendships, a parade is a safe way to share experiences but not share ourselves.

But just the fact that people came at all shows me that we all know something that we may not want to admit: we need real relationships. We need to be able to stop telling the world that we have it all together and to be able to be safe in a friendship defined by (real) forgiveness and (committed) acceptance.

The problem is that we know "us" too well. We know that we will not receive grace from another because we know we don't give grace. We know that we will have to be changed to be close to another person and we treasure that sin more than the possible relationship. We know that the vulnerability that is necessary to have a heart-friendship is costly.

I didn't make a hundred new friends on Saturday. I may have made a significant connection with 3 people. Maybe. But, what encourages me is that people still have a longing for real community within the neighborhood. The people, each one made in God's image, who gathered around a parade on Saturday are still longing for relationship.

The only way that longing will ever be filled is if Jesus transforms our fearful and self-righteous hearts and remakes us into people who come together for a different reason: because we are loved too much to (dangerously) stay safely away from real relationship with Jesus and one another.

We need to smile more deeply than we are willing to, but we will never do that alone.

Don't Let Me Tell You I Have It All Together

...In anyway, by words or by silence. There has never been a time in my life I have felt as weak. Never been a time I have felt more out of control. Never.

And I have a really hard time being out of control.

Never felt as open to weakness. Never felt as selfish and angry. 

Never felt as frustrated because I can't say the right words. My words feel like they fail whether it is praying or sharing good news or simply loving my family.

Never have I seen how much we need the Father to bring his kingdom and never have I felt as powerless to be a part of it.

I don't want weakness! 
I don't want to feel out of control! 
I don't want to wonder if I am being faithful. I want success, safety, growth...

Father, have you called us to failure? 

I asked the Father to show me how the gospel matters to me...to write the gospel on my heart. He did that for Paul why wouldn't he do that for those who ask him?

Never felt the hunger to know the gospel more...how the good news to the world becomes good news to
me. From one point of view the cross was a failure.

I don't want to tell anyone I have it all together. Not at all. I just want to live a grace full life.

Great Gospel Questions (three)

"Why would we care what others will think of us if we're honest about our sin when the One who holds our destiny in his hands has accepted us as if we had never sinned?...

...Why deny who we are and what we need when full provision has been made?...

...Why act as if no one would understand when we have been given a faithful and understanding High Priest who is sympathetic with all our weakness?"

Paul Tripp,  New Morning Mercies: a Daily Gospel Devotional