I have asked for myself, my family and for so many we are connected with for the Father to open our hearts to receive his love.
I have never felt the need to know his love deeply and affectionately as I do know.
What I seem to receive is silence.
I plead with him…"please Father, I need the waves of your love to wash over me…wash away my anxiety and fear. I am empty and need to be filled with a love that will overflow to my neighbors”
And still, silence.
I strive and feel like I cannot let go. Somewhere deep in my soul the lie resonates within me “If you ‘let go’ it will all unravel.” It is a lie, but it feels like the truth.
My uncle once told me cease striving and let God be God. My response inside was “Yes! But how?”
In the silence, in the barrenness of soul, the Spirit is quietly searching through the hidden places of my soul and pointing out the places where I believe lies:
“Yes you are saved by a simple trust in Jesus, but now you have to make everything else happen.”
“The Father has left you alone and wants to see if you are man enough for this.”
“He brought you here to fail.” (I would have fit in well with the wandering Israelites)
“Your ever-present sin shows you are not worthy of this…and the Fathers going to hold back giving to you until you get it right!” There is always a little truth in the lies that stick.
Why does this matter? This should be a story of how we have seen the King bring his kingdom.
But that is exactly it: he is bringing his kingdom in a 1,000 different ways in people…most of which are hidden to us most of the time. There are volcanoes that seem dormant (Mt. Rainier is beautiful but too close), but the movements underneath the ground are real and they are preparing the molten mountain to show its beauty in an eruption.
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?
(Romans 8:31-32 ESV)
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